Settling in

Well, it's been months since I last posted (and seems like everytime I start off with something like this.) CTs have passed, horrendous results have come, and we're back to busy school day lives.

Everything has been less eventful, but especially since the start of this term, I just feel that I am becoming lonelier and lonelier (is there even such a word?). Being alone has never, and will never, be the reason why I feel lonely. The times I feel lonely are when I feel a disconnect with people, when there are so many people around, yet so few that I can even talk to.

I think it's two-way, it's either I don't feel like talking to people, or they don't feel like talking to me. Most of the times it is both.

Sometimes I wonder why my social life has disintegrated from something that might have grown legs, to absolute nothingness. Where did I go wrong? Because something has clearly gone wrong.

But no, I stand on my own in my righteousness. No, I did not do anything wrong. I have been nothing but considerate to people, even though chicky remarks were made. I have done nothing to hurt people. I might not have a fun personality, but if fun personality means all the sordid details and making a joke and character out of yourself, I rather not have it. Not that having a "fun personality" is bad, but it's not my style, so why should I do it?

Would I prefer to have more true friends? Certainly. But I know that despite screw-ups (some rather major ones), I am proud of the way I live. This is me. This is my life, and I would not want to live it for people who do not care. There are still people out there who believe in me, and as long as I have them, it's ok.

Today is quite a rough day. Once again I got misinterpreted again. But I took it with a smile and walk off. But I couldn't quite lay it down until I write on this blog. I've always prided myself with my school. Even though my school is far from perfect, I take with it as of now 5 years of precious memories, experiences, and lessons learnt that I will be forever grateful for.

For me, getting stepped over, and rudely shafted by people who just came in this year, is really an insult. This is by no means a reference to some of my friends who just came in this year. They were nice, humble, and genuinely good people. But it deeply hurt and angered me that today, this person had the nerve to undermine me, and tried to bruise my ego. I just couldn't take it. Maybe I'm narrow-minded, but it seems I'm getting mistreated by newcomers in this home that I've lived for the past 5 years. After working hard for the past 4 years to gain recognition from peers, juniors and teachers, you came in and try to shaft me? How dare you.

That's it. No more nice Kai Cong. And YES, the previous version IS the nice one.