Yes, I'm back and even though I guess no one's reading anymore, I guess it is kind of good, because it allows this blog to be open and free without being exposed and all out.
Let me start by saying that I thought last year was a pretty great year. This year seems a little exhausting, but no regrets, we just have to chiong all the way now :)
Some might say I'm a no-lifer, but trying to force myself into what someone might consider a real life will make me upset and all. I am happy with my own life, I no longer try to integrate into others' lives seamlessly, but instead try to lead one with mutual respect with them, while adding my own element and keeping my personality intact. I now accept the fact that I'm not the "go-out-and-play-all-the-time" person but more like a "sit at one corner and emo" type of person. Which is fine, because any other way would have upset the balance.
So what do I do when I am free? I've always made a small joke about how my free time is always used up, making them no longer free. The truth is, I am quite the couch potato, I watch many American shows, Americanisation be damned, and I was always excited about new shows and new pilots every season. Of course, sometimes the shows get poor ratings and it gets cancelled, sometimes I lose interest in it, but that's the whole process.
Starting this year, I am no longer committed to watching singing shows since they are time-wasting, I am now more for scripted shows as well as other more developed reality shows. My two favourite shows will definitely be Revenge and Once Upon A Time, both from ABC. Revenge is like the guilty pleasure. The truth is, people should not be rooting for a girl deviously seeking revenge on the wrongful prosecution of her father and her ruined childhood and youth, but I found myself entirely hooked. Can't wait to see how that turns out. Once Upon A Time is a more complex version of a huge collection of fairytales put together, and while it seems childish, it has some good storytelling elements and some very captivating episodes.
Of course another pilot which I liked will be Touch, which is about this autistic boy that can predict future events using connection of numbers. It reminds me of Heroes (which still struck a chord with me because I loved that show so much, and to see it degenerate into horrible crap during the subsequent seasons, and finally quit watching). Hopefully the writers can get this one right.
I have quit watching Glee though, which is like a Heroes way. I loved it so much during its first 13 episodes, but then, it just went weird and disorganized and it's no longer fun to watch. It is best that I leave it alone.
The worst part of watching these shows will be the fact that the United States started claming down on video-viewing websites such as Videozer, Videobb, Zshare, as well as Megavideo and Megaupload. I have to constantly sustain on others, which are getting harder to find by the day, hopefully this development doesn't end my online-viewing experience.
I just hope for the best this year. Please let it be a great year. It has to be. Please.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Settling in
Well, it's been months since I last posted (and seems like everytime I start off with something like this.) CTs have passed, horrendous results have come, and we're back to busy school day lives.
Everything has been less eventful, but especially since the start of this term, I just feel that I am becoming lonelier and lonelier (is there even such a word?). Being alone has never, and will never, be the reason why I feel lonely. The times I feel lonely are when I feel a disconnect with people, when there are so many people around, yet so few that I can even talk to.
I think it's two-way, it's either I don't feel like talking to people, or they don't feel like talking to me. Most of the times it is both.
Sometimes I wonder why my social life has disintegrated from something that might have grown legs, to absolute nothingness. Where did I go wrong? Because something has clearly gone wrong.
But no, I stand on my own in my righteousness. No, I did not do anything wrong. I have been nothing but considerate to people, even though chicky remarks were made. I have done nothing to hurt people. I might not have a fun personality, but if fun personality means all the sordid details and making a joke and character out of yourself, I rather not have it. Not that having a "fun personality" is bad, but it's not my style, so why should I do it?
Would I prefer to have more true friends? Certainly. But I know that despite screw-ups (some rather major ones), I am proud of the way I live. This is me. This is my life, and I would not want to live it for people who do not care. There are still people out there who believe in me, and as long as I have them, it's ok.
Today is quite a rough day. Once again I got misinterpreted again. But I took it with a smile and walk off. But I couldn't quite lay it down until I write on this blog. I've always prided myself with my school. Even though my school is far from perfect, I take with it as of now 5 years of precious memories, experiences, and lessons learnt that I will be forever grateful for.
For me, getting stepped over, and rudely shafted by people who just came in this year, is really an insult. This is by no means a reference to some of my friends who just came in this year. They were nice, humble, and genuinely good people. But it deeply hurt and angered me that today, this person had the nerve to undermine me, and tried to bruise my ego. I just couldn't take it. Maybe I'm narrow-minded, but it seems I'm getting mistreated by newcomers in this home that I've lived for the past 5 years. After working hard for the past 4 years to gain recognition from peers, juniors and teachers, you came in and try to shaft me? How dare you.
That's it. No more nice Kai Cong. And YES, the previous version IS the nice one.
Everything has been less eventful, but especially since the start of this term, I just feel that I am becoming lonelier and lonelier (is there even such a word?). Being alone has never, and will never, be the reason why I feel lonely. The times I feel lonely are when I feel a disconnect with people, when there are so many people around, yet so few that I can even talk to.
I think it's two-way, it's either I don't feel like talking to people, or they don't feel like talking to me. Most of the times it is both.
Sometimes I wonder why my social life has disintegrated from something that might have grown legs, to absolute nothingness. Where did I go wrong? Because something has clearly gone wrong.
But no, I stand on my own in my righteousness. No, I did not do anything wrong. I have been nothing but considerate to people, even though chicky remarks were made. I have done nothing to hurt people. I might not have a fun personality, but if fun personality means all the sordid details and making a joke and character out of yourself, I rather not have it. Not that having a "fun personality" is bad, but it's not my style, so why should I do it?
Would I prefer to have more true friends? Certainly. But I know that despite screw-ups (some rather major ones), I am proud of the way I live. This is me. This is my life, and I would not want to live it for people who do not care. There are still people out there who believe in me, and as long as I have them, it's ok.
Today is quite a rough day. Once again I got misinterpreted again. But I took it with a smile and walk off. But I couldn't quite lay it down until I write on this blog. I've always prided myself with my school. Even though my school is far from perfect, I take with it as of now 5 years of precious memories, experiences, and lessons learnt that I will be forever grateful for.
For me, getting stepped over, and rudely shafted by people who just came in this year, is really an insult. This is by no means a reference to some of my friends who just came in this year. They were nice, humble, and genuinely good people. But it deeply hurt and angered me that today, this person had the nerve to undermine me, and tried to bruise my ego. I just couldn't take it. Maybe I'm narrow-minded, but it seems I'm getting mistreated by newcomers in this home that I've lived for the past 5 years. After working hard for the past 4 years to gain recognition from peers, juniors and teachers, you came in and try to shaft me? How dare you.
That's it. No more nice Kai Cong. And YES, the previous version IS the nice one.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
The end of a term
This is it.
One month later, everything just came together, ok except for academics, but things couldn't have worked out better.
CO's concert's quite a success, there's huge payoff, and all seems fine in the world. Even if it is just a moment, but it's definitely a moment that I will remember for quite a long time.
I am at peace.
One month later, everything just came together, ok except for academics, but things couldn't have worked out better.
CO's concert's quite a success, there's huge payoff, and all seems fine in the world. Even if it is just a moment, but it's definitely a moment that I will remember for quite a long time.
I am at peace.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Another day
Today I'm just feeling once again, very disoriented.
And that's why I decided to come back to this sad and abandoned blog.
The thought of seeing half of my classmates going on a sure-to-be-awesome trip while I have to stay back with the other half of the class. It started out fun, partly due to Sharm and Jin Hong's dramatization, but then it became a bit sad.
Quite quickly.
I am slipping behind in academics, and for the first time, I have no idea where our CO stand in terms of standards. Normally I have an idea, but it seems so fuzzy right now. There's so much uncertainty. But I'm holding out hope.
I know that SYF should never be about the results, but anyone would be lying if they say that results don't matter. As I always say, that is just a sad excuse for people who didn't get the results they wanted. Either that, or for people who win, but try to remain morally upright, or pretend to be humble. Maybe I'm just a selfish person, but I really hope this time we can actually accquire the target that we want to achieve.
This is my 4th time participating, and we'd missed our target for the last 3 times. Enough of "the process is more important", I've been through 3 "processes" without getting some results (and believe me results is important, I've seen how results totally ruined RICO before the new management comes in, back in 2009). Now I'm on my 4th process, I don't think I'm greedy, but I need results. It's no longer a bonus, it's a need now. Of course if we don't get it, life goes on, but it'll never be the same. At that point of time, if it ever comes (and I'm praying it doesn't), I will have to make a choice, and unfortunately it will be a choice that I'll never be comfortable with. I have formed friendships, and some kind of attachment to CO already, so it'll be hard. Perhaps because of this, I didn't want to get myself too emotionally bonded with CO this year. It's tough, it's ruthless, but I have to use my head over my heart.
If we get through SYF with our intended results, everything would just be set into place, and put in nicely. Fingers crossed.
And that's why I decided to come back to this sad and abandoned blog.
The thought of seeing half of my classmates going on a sure-to-be-awesome trip while I have to stay back with the other half of the class. It started out fun, partly due to Sharm and Jin Hong's dramatization, but then it became a bit sad.
Quite quickly.
I am slipping behind in academics, and for the first time, I have no idea where our CO stand in terms of standards. Normally I have an idea, but it seems so fuzzy right now. There's so much uncertainty. But I'm holding out hope.
I know that SYF should never be about the results, but anyone would be lying if they say that results don't matter. As I always say, that is just a sad excuse for people who didn't get the results they wanted. Either that, or for people who win, but try to remain morally upright, or pretend to be humble. Maybe I'm just a selfish person, but I really hope this time we can actually accquire the target that we want to achieve.
This is my 4th time participating, and we'd missed our target for the last 3 times. Enough of "the process is more important", I've been through 3 "processes" without getting some results (and believe me results is important, I've seen how results totally ruined RICO before the new management comes in, back in 2009). Now I'm on my 4th process, I don't think I'm greedy, but I need results. It's no longer a bonus, it's a need now. Of course if we don't get it, life goes on, but it'll never be the same. At that point of time, if it ever comes (and I'm praying it doesn't), I will have to make a choice, and unfortunately it will be a choice that I'll never be comfortable with. I have formed friendships, and some kind of attachment to CO already, so it'll be hard. Perhaps because of this, I didn't want to get myself too emotionally bonded with CO this year. It's tough, it's ruthless, but I have to use my head over my heart.
If we get through SYF with our intended results, everything would just be set into place, and put in nicely. Fingers crossed.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Am I greedy?
Probably, in fact, theoretically speaking, I'm REALLY greedy.
I'm never satisfied. It's sad to say that I've come to the stage where the maximum level of happiness is not ecstasy, but a neutral reaction. And why? Because the standards I've set have prepared me for either an "Ok, it turned out well" or "it sucks".
But as I've always said, I'm just a young guy, trying to find his own ground. Why can't things just go my way? (And it's really selfish to put it this way, and I know that I'm fussing over the little things in life, while others are going through sicknesses and hunger, but I really just wish for something different, and start doing something meaningful, and something that I like, instead of going through the same routine and process again)
People always say you have to take the opportunities that come your way, I did, but it seems like it's just not meant to be, and I don't get it. It's not like I'm sitting around waiting for things to happen, but why would you do this to me, at the same time when I had this change of mindset. You're pushing me back into a vicious cycle.
Just give me this chance. I need it.
I'm never satisfied. It's sad to say that I've come to the stage where the maximum level of happiness is not ecstasy, but a neutral reaction. And why? Because the standards I've set have prepared me for either an "Ok, it turned out well" or "it sucks".
But as I've always said, I'm just a young guy, trying to find his own ground. Why can't things just go my way? (And it's really selfish to put it this way, and I know that I'm fussing over the little things in life, while others are going through sicknesses and hunger, but I really just wish for something different, and start doing something meaningful, and something that I like, instead of going through the same routine and process again)
People always say you have to take the opportunities that come your way, I did, but it seems like it's just not meant to be, and I don't get it. It's not like I'm sitting around waiting for things to happen, but why would you do this to me, at the same time when I had this change of mindset. You're pushing me back into a vicious cycle.
Just give me this chance. I need it.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Looking back, Looking forth
Yeah so 2010 has come to an end, and what can I say about this year? Once again, there are some frustrating moments, some great moments and many so-so days. But I would say that this year has been overall a fulfilling year, most of the things that I wanted came through, there are some unexpected joys, some unexpected disappointments, but hey, what would life be without some regrets here and there eh? I think I learnt from the lessons of 2009 and I told myself that this year is the year where I'll try not to screw up, and even when I did, I fix the holds quickly, so for that I'm rather proud of myself.
Highlights of the year (in no order of importance)
- The entire year had a significantly less share of disappointments, and I think that has been wonderful.
- An emotionally satisfying conclusion to my favourite tv series LOST
- I'd lost some weight and is now in the healthy range!
- Unexpectedly getting my best academic results since Secondary One!
- My sister's friend introduced me to very cheap karaoke, and now I have one more spot of joy in my life!
- A revamp of my CCA brought new joys rebooted and almost totally rebooted RICO, giving us a lot of new energy, new goals and targets. And even better, very good EXCO members and section with great working dynamics, and of all the years, I'm really lucky to be working with them. Of course, the year-end concert is a success, and a total contrast to last year's disaster.
- CelloBass Section got an ensemble piece for the concert, and we didn't screw up nearly as much as we thought we would!
- Really awesome friends that I never really came to appreciate much until this year, that helped make every day of school life full of meaning and colour.
Lowlights of the Year
- Let's just say not doing well for NAPFA. It's a shame, really.
- Always having the feeling that I haven't done enough for my CCA, but hey, you win some, you lose some.
- Television shows and music really kinda sucked this year, with Glee having some of the most atrocious storylines on tv, after being so wonderful.
- Didn't get to fully immerse myself in all the craziness of school life, indulging in my own world.
So now, to the New Year Resolutions (in no particular order, as always).
- I want to develop a killer-instinct, the motivation to do what I set out to do without fear! No more "hidden" Kai Cong!
- Havingmy own unique style.
- Hang out more with people, step up, be more bold and let myself be heard.
- Not slacking and immediately start studying for A levels, not leaving anything to chance.
- I'm gonna get good results for NAPFA!
NEW YEAR WISHES
1. As always I hope that everyone that I care, my family, relatives, friends, and friendly accquaintances lead healthy and happy lives.
2. My academics can always be "under control" and I will get my desirable grades. Hopefully I will not lose sight of my end targets and will be able to focus.
3. I can finally get good NAPFA grades. After this year's disappointment, I'm yearning for much better.
4. More fun stuff to do, and more karaoke!
5. I really hope that I am able to find a CCA that I like whether it's CO or any other CCA. I haven't yet decided but I really want to find something I can like.
6. I will make a lot more friends and be happy.
7. More chances to go overseas and see the world.
8. More good music and good shows that are actually creative, popular, watchable and likeable.
9. I hope that my favourites from competition shows will win, as always.
10. A more colourful year with less missed opportunities and more risks rewarded.
So I guess that's it, another year has just about ended, and all the best to all of you!
P.S. If you ever read this blogpost one day, you really rock!
Highlights of the year (in no order of importance)
- The entire year had a significantly less share of disappointments, and I think that has been wonderful.
- An emotionally satisfying conclusion to my favourite tv series LOST
- I'd lost some weight and is now in the healthy range!
- Unexpectedly getting my best academic results since Secondary One!
- My sister's friend introduced me to very cheap karaoke, and now I have one more spot of joy in my life!
- A revamp of my CCA brought new joys rebooted and almost totally rebooted RICO, giving us a lot of new energy, new goals and targets. And even better, very good EXCO members and section with great working dynamics, and of all the years, I'm really lucky to be working with them. Of course, the year-end concert is a success, and a total contrast to last year's disaster.
- CelloBass Section got an ensemble piece for the concert, and we didn't screw up nearly as much as we thought we would!
- Really awesome friends that I never really came to appreciate much until this year, that helped make every day of school life full of meaning and colour.
Lowlights of the Year
- Let's just say not doing well for NAPFA. It's a shame, really.
- Always having the feeling that I haven't done enough for my CCA, but hey, you win some, you lose some.
- Television shows and music really kinda sucked this year, with Glee having some of the most atrocious storylines on tv, after being so wonderful.
- Didn't get to fully immerse myself in all the craziness of school life, indulging in my own world.
So now, to the New Year Resolutions (in no particular order, as always).
- I want to develop a killer-instinct, the motivation to do what I set out to do without fear! No more "hidden" Kai Cong!
- Havingmy own unique style.
- Hang out more with people, step up, be more bold and let myself be heard.
- Not slacking and immediately start studying for A levels, not leaving anything to chance.
- I'm gonna get good results for NAPFA!
NEW YEAR WISHES
1. As always I hope that everyone that I care, my family, relatives, friends, and friendly accquaintances lead healthy and happy lives.
2. My academics can always be "under control" and I will get my desirable grades. Hopefully I will not lose sight of my end targets and will be able to focus.
3. I can finally get good NAPFA grades. After this year's disappointment, I'm yearning for much better.
4. More fun stuff to do, and more karaoke!
5. I really hope that I am able to find a CCA that I like whether it's CO or any other CCA. I haven't yet decided but I really want to find something I can like.
6. I will make a lot more friends and be happy.
7. More chances to go overseas and see the world.
8. More good music and good shows that are actually creative, popular, watchable and likeable.
9. I hope that my favourites from competition shows will win, as always.
10. A more colourful year with less missed opportunities and more risks rewarded.
So I guess that's it, another year has just about ended, and all the best to all of you!
P.S. If you ever read this blogpost one day, you really rock!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
End of EOYs!!!
YEAAHHHHHH!!!
I couldn't even express how happy I am right now, Life is REALLY boring, but then, as I always said, I rather die of boredom than die of work overload.
Ok Im typing the blogpost under the impression that no one's reading, evident from the tagboard which has been posted since.... So if you stumble upon this blog, read it, skip it, or do whatever you want.
Just to show that I'm not an insensitive bitch, to anyone in SPS, if you're reading, I really wish that you guys will get your most desirable grade for O levels, aim for 2 points ok?? I wish you guys all the best! Not forgetting you people!
Well just some pointers of the year.
2P/08 people - I am not too close to this class and I've lost touch with just about the whole lot of you, but thanks for being part of my experience. At least I have the memories.
4D people - This may surprise you, but I really enjoyed you people. We're probably the worst class (by some unknown standards), but you people are awesome. It really killed my cynicism of that it's everyone for himself/herself because you guys have been really awesome!
RICO - By far the best and worst experience of my life, and many times it's the latter. So it might really shock you to hear that I truly enjoyed just about every moment with you people. My section CelloBass - YOU'RE THE BEST! Lawrence, Tony, Edmund, Vincent Tjeng, Davin, Zhonghao, OOI, Shi Kang, Hao Sheng, Chang Jie, Douglas, Hia Ming, WAI KIT, Jing Long you prodigy haha, Glenn, Raynor. Even those floaters, though you really caused quite some trouble.
Special thanks to Jia Jin, cos you really helped me tonnes from Sec 1 and make me who I am today. Sng Zheng you're a shaoye, but a good one for the most part. Vincent Ong you're really like my mentor, and you're my role model, but I wish I had listened to you. But regardless it didn't affect too much.
My EXCO members: Rui Jun you're our leader, and I missed how quickly you can switch modes from totally hysterical to totally objective, Dongheng your jokes suck but you've done a pretty darn good job, Gangyi you're fun loving and super helpful, Ooi you're an awesome mugger that likes chores (like wth), Jonathan you're another mugger, straight shooter which I admire, Shaun you're super good at admin and a good person.
To our next batch, I believe in you. You have so much going already but you guys have SO MUCH more to give.
Overall, I've never been a social creature. I can be really open and ridiculous with people I'm really well accquainted with, but to people that I'm not that close with, I can be really be a very cold person. But it really makes my day to have that very few friends that I can actually talk to.
Ok normally people will put their best friends at the end, for me it's the same, though a little different.
I'm not someone who will write something like "who-and-who" are my best friends, because I've always been afraid that the feeling is not mutual, but one-sided. Or maybe I feel that it's ominous to write such stuff, cos the friendship might die once I get too confident in it. But I do have you people as really good friends and that's enough. You made my day so many times and really gave me a lot of motivation to go on. And I thank all the gods and goddesses in this world for that. If you're one of these people, I think you will know that I'm talking about you. So cheers and really all the best to these best friends!
And with that I finally had a post in a really long time.
I couldn't even express how happy I am right now, Life is REALLY boring, but then, as I always said, I rather die of boredom than die of work overload.
Ok Im typing the blogpost under the impression that no one's reading, evident from the tagboard which has been posted since.... So if you stumble upon this blog, read it, skip it, or do whatever you want.
Just to show that I'm not an insensitive bitch, to anyone in SPS, if you're reading, I really wish that you guys will get your most desirable grade for O levels, aim for 2 points ok?? I wish you guys all the best! Not forgetting you people!
Well just some pointers of the year.
2P/08 people - I am not too close to this class and I've lost touch with just about the whole lot of you, but thanks for being part of my experience. At least I have the memories.
4D people - This may surprise you, but I really enjoyed you people. We're probably the worst class (by some unknown standards), but you people are awesome. It really killed my cynicism of that it's everyone for himself/herself because you guys have been really awesome!
RICO - By far the best and worst experience of my life, and many times it's the latter. So it might really shock you to hear that I truly enjoyed just about every moment with you people. My section CelloBass - YOU'RE THE BEST! Lawrence, Tony, Edmund, Vincent Tjeng, Davin, Zhonghao, OOI, Shi Kang, Hao Sheng, Chang Jie, Douglas, Hia Ming, WAI KIT, Jing Long you prodigy haha, Glenn, Raynor. Even those floaters, though you really caused quite some trouble.
Special thanks to Jia Jin, cos you really helped me tonnes from Sec 1 and make me who I am today. Sng Zheng you're a shaoye, but a good one for the most part. Vincent Ong you're really like my mentor, and you're my role model, but I wish I had listened to you. But regardless it didn't affect too much.
My EXCO members: Rui Jun you're our leader, and I missed how quickly you can switch modes from totally hysterical to totally objective, Dongheng your jokes suck but you've done a pretty darn good job, Gangyi you're fun loving and super helpful, Ooi you're an awesome mugger that likes chores (like wth), Jonathan you're another mugger, straight shooter which I admire, Shaun you're super good at admin and a good person.
To our next batch, I believe in you. You have so much going already but you guys have SO MUCH more to give.
Overall, I've never been a social creature. I can be really open and ridiculous with people I'm really well accquainted with, but to people that I'm not that close with, I can be really be a very cold person. But it really makes my day to have that very few friends that I can actually talk to.
Ok normally people will put their best friends at the end, for me it's the same, though a little different.
I'm not someone who will write something like "who-and-who" are my best friends, because I've always been afraid that the feeling is not mutual, but one-sided. Or maybe I feel that it's ominous to write such stuff, cos the friendship might die once I get too confident in it. But I do have you people as really good friends and that's enough. You made my day so many times and really gave me a lot of motivation to go on. And I thank all the gods and goddesses in this world for that. If you're one of these people, I think you will know that I'm talking about you. So cheers and really all the best to these best friends!
And with that I finally had a post in a really long time.
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